Sunday, May 24, 2015

Copenhagen, Denmark

On my way from Iceland, I stopped in Copenhagen for a couple of days too.

Copenhagen is a culture-vulture place.  Copenhagen has museums and sculptures like Delhi has paan stains. Much akin some sort of old age home party where war veterans are hanging out with teenagers, most of the old buildings are laden with stories including surviving multiple fires, while the new buildings look pretty in their bright colours but seem to not have much else to them. The concrete is wantonly interspersed with lakes, canals, and parks around which people can be found jogging and pet owners can be seen walking their dog or fish or whatever, solemnly picking up and disposing off their pet's poop in evil looking, black, plastic gloves.

Most western countries have diets that won't kill them as quickly as ours would kill us, and yet they take their exercising seriously. Everyone will live to be 150 years old, there won't be enough young folk to support them, and then they'll regret making too many right choices 120 years ago. We'll have the last laugh after all, albeit posthumously. Another idea idea whose time is soon going to come is multiple youth exchange programs between Haryana, Andhra Pradesh, and Telengana and all these countries to supply them with the youth they need, and rid us of the excesses. I'm open to arguments as to why it should be other states and not these three.

The Streets

The public transport seems well spread out but the city is very walkable. If you're courageous enough, you could even get a cycle and compete with a billion home cyclists for some space in the crammed lane on the side of every road.

This is Nyhavn, or New Harbour.
This is where all those colourful Copenhagen building pictures come from.
There are other colourful buildings deeper inside too though.

It might be the half closed eyes, and weird grin,
but this monster looks high to me

Does competitive train drag racing already exist as a sport?

A PETA protest that went on for so long that they just
painted it on the wall instead and left for the next one.

This is the Danish version of "Main Samay hoon"

If I were in the opposite lane, I'd suddenly switch to high beams and cruelly
laugh as the ostrich struggled to get it's head through the road in fear.

That is the coolest bag I have ever seen.

This wall is like that Nick dude who doesn't have arms or legs.
It's happy but it can't clap it's hands.



The founder of Maersk apparently spent over USD 500 mn
on this opera house and got a tax break out of it.

If each window could be lit up independently in two different
colours, we could play Connect4 on this building

This building would make for a fun game of Guess Who instead.

David's facsimile, a work of beauty to be appreciated but of little actual
use,  is judging those steady, middle-class, hard working containers.
That's what this picture means. It's a reflection of our paparazzi culture.

 The water shimmering off of The Black Diamond makes
 for a very cool sight as you approach it. But at the end it's
still a library so you don't actually go in.

To your glass pyramids, Paris, Copenhagen raises its hemisphere.

The Town Hall.
That golden statue thing just above the entrance was a warrior priest.
The vikings would have appreciated that unit in AoE.

That pretty structure in the foreground is just a snack stall.
Everything has to be cultural and old looking. Show off.

Some church something that they began construction of without
budgeting properly and then the architect died. They finished it a hundred
years later with limestone instead of marble. Here we are now, another
few hundred years later, selling software with the same business model.

That tower spiral is a dragon, and this
is the oldest stock exchange in the world

Jackie Chan would be licking his lips at the sight of this


Christania is a freethinkers town or some such hippie thing. They pay some weird taxes and are trying to claim the land for their own. You have to apply for residence permission but if you know Lenny Kravitz you could try and get related to him in some way and squeeze in. Weed is illegal in the rest of the country but they don't bother Christania too much so long as it stays within Christania. For the same reason, if you take pictures of people while you're in there, you're likely to get kicked out and lose your camera. Apparently, the last person who got kicked out before we went had the additional honour of walking out the gate naked.

If this sort of thing appeals to you, you can buy the Christania shares which they are trying to sell so as to buy the land from the Danish government. That way they don't own the land, as they disapprove of that sort of capitalistic tendencies. I don't know where you can buy them though.

"Excuse me. I feel so lonely and empty.
Could you give me a hand please?"

MTV Pimp My House pilot.

Disciplined Quadruplets in a Womb car from The Wacky Races

These walls have seen things.

Kids used to sneak up from behind, poke it and run away.

This is the sign at the exit. They take their affiliations seriously

Museum Type Stuff

The National Museum at Copenhagen is free and so huge that you need to go multiple times if you have to do it justice. There are lots of other museums around as well so feel free to pay to go to a smaller museum which you don't need to go to so many times.

Typical male privilege that the two most disappointing sighs in Europe
are The Little Mermaid and that tiny naked baby urinating in Brussels.

If you're not the sorts to be bothered by the security barriers, you could
take a break at this exhibit and plan a game of 3D snakes and ladders

Leia's famous bikini's inspiration

Chief Newspaper Thrower

Chief Noodle Maker

Hoopla team captain

Chief Bird And Fly Swatter
De facto head of the Department to Handle Creatures with Wings

If Miley Cyrus was a boy

"If you let my dog eat your baby, I'll give you some of these grapes."

"I don't care if you soiled your diaper. Piss off."

"Give me the apple, I'll cut it into slices and feed you myself."
"Give her the apple and I'll cut your throat."

Like yoga, slinkies have been around since ancient times
despite which somebody still managed to got a patent on it.

 Today's artists don't challenge themselves. They don't ask themselves
important questions like what happens when you cross
a rhino with a pig with a baby dragon with...

a chameleon, a crocodile and an orangutan.

Hans Cristian Anderson is eagerly waiting for the renovation work at
the second oldest amusement park to finish, so that tourists who don't
come to Copenhagen all the time don't miss out on the experience.

The pope just consulted the third umpire, on his left,
for the rule book and declared the batsman out, much
to the chagrin of the non-striker, on his right

"I know I'm naked, but do you really think you're going
to trick me with that bowl and sneak your hand over
my shoulder like we're 15 year olds in a movie hall?"

"The sheepskin is for distracting my enemies  They
look at me and wonder why  I'm not wearing any
armor and whether I'm going to put on that sheepskin
before I attack and how that's possible going to help.
They haven't noticed the sword which is for
stabbing them while they are thinking all this."

Sexy blacksmith costume for Halloween, anyone?

"That was some party, wasn't it? It's okay, you can throw up in this."

"Wake up or I'm pouring this on your face."


The zoo is supposed to be well stocked and also one of the oldest zoos in the world. Some of the enclosures are built in a way that replicates the natural environment of the animals itself. They have put in a lot of effort on their elephant section which are quite vast and well done. This is a half a day long, and welcome change from all the architecture and art that you would be seeing for most of the time.

The zoo outside

The colour combination is right, but a
piercing or two and some eye liner would
do wonders for its emu chick image.

In a world where animals were treated like humans, this picture would
have  made the cover of Femina or Cosmopolitan or something.

One pelican, but the other pelidid.

"Look mom! I'm inventing the telescope!"

Tigers also stalk and eve-tease tigresses.
They don't make catcalls because that hurts their egos.

I'm not sure whether bears are shy...

...or rude...

... or grumpy.

If you stand here and keep measuring the height of the sun outside,
you can tell which month it is without referring to a calendar

"Ignore him."
"He has a camera."
"Hush, he can hear us."
"No, he can't."
"Even if if he can hear us, he can't understand what we're saying"
"Stupid humans."
"Would rather have hands to use a camera with than wings."

My brothers and sisters are suffering in the sands of
the Sahara while I have this sweet pad in Europe.
I have to keep sending money back though.
(Camels of Copenhagen)

They finally figured out which hippo keeps urinating in the pool.

Other Sights Around

This is the view from on top of the Round Tower.
It's basically a spiraling ramp that goes all the way to the top.
The king was to lazy to get off and take the steps and he wanted a
tower which he could go up in without getting out of his chariot.

If you're a fat duck, everyone laughs at you because when you're hunting
for food and you also have your big ass in the air for everyone to see

A high school probability problem waiting to be brought into existence

That is what one motorist though of that sign.

N, N, N, with a monkey?
Is that the best choice of poster?


If you're one of those who are bad at taking
u-turns,you should switch from a car to a boat.
Much easier.

The memorial anchor at Nyhavn to commemorate their WWII Navy folk.

The fifth time, they have to say yes.

The changing of the guard from the King's palace.
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes, you ask?
The two policemen behind them.

If I don't get the menu soon, I'm going to walk out the door
If your staff asks me when I'll come again, as I walk out the door.
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Their statues of people are naked but their trees are covered

These are the working of The World Clock which meausres units
of time from a few second to a unit that's more than 20,000 years
and can also tell you the time around difference time zones

An ambitious advertisement for a hygiene faucet.

Have you ever had a lizard lose it's grip on the ceiling and fall on you?
Have you ever been so lazy that you didn't bother removing
it for long enough that it became a part of your body?
You need a change.

The contestants come, they talk, but nobody votes the worst
speaker out because nobody watches this stupid show

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