Hitchcock

There has been a sudden rise in the number of rape cases. Various community/political leaders are pointing to chow mein, burgers, pizzas and other junk food as the cause of the increase in rape cases. Another one suggested that mobile phone usage could also be contributing to the same. As a person with relatives and friends of the fairer (face, underarms, other parts of the body) sex I wanted to contribute to this body of research too -

Organic Food -
The presence of toxins in the food cycle negatively affects the libido and aggression and makes people stay in control. You can find plenty of studies on the internet about the same.

The caveman food chain was probably the last food
chain free of these toxins. Think about it.
Image source

Sewage Systems -
Modern means of sanitation have almost completely eliminated the risk of running into a defecating eye witness while women seem to be no less vulnerable than they were without. This rationalises the belief in political circles about not needing toilets since God is almost omnipresent.

Street dogs –
Most women are scared of dogs. This fear is multiplied when they are returning by themselves after nightfall. In their attempts to avoid packs of a man’s best friend they often use poorly lit, ill frequented side roads where they risk running into someone worse than just simple-hearted, dog-fearing people.

Dressing Sense -
Tight fitting, thigh and crotch details revealing jeans/trousers/others had caught on sometime back. They were probably so uncomfortable that some feminist decided to make those for men too. A man wearing something like that would go to any extent to avoid the discomfort of arousal.

A man wearing a pair of tight jeans like these
is most probably a dog owner too. Beware!
Image source

Education policies–
The government has increased capacities at IITs, IIMs and a host of other places as well, which are usually restrictive about gender mingling. Simultaneously the average age for onset of puberty is rapidly declining. This has caused a dramatic increase in the number of man-years spent without getting any. If this is a little complicated you can refer to the charts.

The data is made up but you get the point

One of the proposed solutions was to marry women off early. The proposer claimed that this was the prevalent practice during Mughal times and was effective in protecting young women from the marauding Mughals. Checking the factors mention above would definitely help but I’m proposing some other practices we could introduce as well -

• Change the chant to “Hindu, Muslim, Sick, Isahi, hum sab mil kar behen, bhai” and make it compulsory for kids to chant it in schools. Also subsidise rakhis. The idea of it being incest should put men off a little.
• Introduce an electronic chastity belt. The key should be the answers to some very personal questions about the woman and the buckle should be very hard to open. The device could be sold under the name Swayamvara. Or smarty panties.
• Claim that a foreign power is financially supporting rapists. For added effect, accuse the victims of having pulled ponytails of other girls in their childhood thereby denying them the right to accuse others of wrongdoing. 

The last marauding Mughal (circa 1800).
His sadness used to be as enigmatic as the
Mona Lisa’s smile until people found out
about the marrying thing.

If we can succeed in making India a safer place for women then maybe prospective parents won’t be that worried about having daughters and female foeticide rates would reduce too.

PS: Other benefits include the replenishing of the water table.